It's so hard to tell my hubby he's not the dad

I HAD sex with a guy I met on a dating site when my marriage hit a rough patch.

I had a baby boy and I am sure this man is his dad but I keep wondering whether I should tell my husband that he is not the father.

My relationship with my husband used to be very up and down, almost abusive.

I really thought I’d leave him for this guy, who is about ten years older than me but he dumped me after a few weeks.

This was seven years ago and a month later I discovered I was pregnant. I had doubts over who was the dad but kept silent.

I went on to have a beautiful baby boy and my husband was thrilled to become a father.

I’m 36 now and my husband is 42. I gradually felt sure that our lovely son looked nothing like my husband and definitely resembled the man from the dating site. I contacted him and we met up. We got on well and kissed.

However he said that he was interested in someone else and he didn’t want anything to do with his son. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe anyone could be so callous about their own flesh and blood.

I stayed with my husband and we had a second child, a daughter.

Our relationship has generally been good since then, though my husband says our sex life has become much worse due to having the kids.

He’s worried that I don’t find him as attractive as I used to and I worry he might be right but I know I don’t want to leave him.

What bothers me is keeping the secret about our son from him. I worry he’d find out about it if we ever divorced. When we meet up with his family, my mother-in-law is always commenting that our son looks nothing like him. I get the feeling she suspects.

I am not sure whether or not to tell him. I am certain he would forgive me if I told him. I know he’d treat our son differently if he found out.

DEIDRE SAYS: A resemblance is no proof of paternity. So many children look nothing like their parents. You were obviously having sex with your husband around the time your son was conceived or he would have raised doubts himself.

Your husband has raised your son and is his father in every way that matters. They love one another. I see no point in tearing up your son’s security and breaking your husband’s heart over something that happened well in the past.

Hopefully your mother-in-law isn’t malicious enough to share her suspicions but the way to guard against that is to make your marriage rock-solid.

You and your husband have been better together sexually so you can get back there. My e-leaflet Saving Your Sex Life has lots of ideas.