“Been stuck on tarmac for five hours.” 48 Likes. “We were just evicted.” 137 Likes. “My dog passed away.” 412 Likes. Life is not a series of thumbs-up moments. Yet for the past seven years on Facebook, the noncommittally upbeat human emotion has been the only option at our fingertips.
Until last Wednesday, that is, when the world’s largest social network starts allowing us to get angry, be sad—even spread love. Facebook will begin the world-wide rollout of five new “reactions.” The much-requested Dislike will not be among them.
The Like button isn’t going away, but now when you hover your mouse cursor over it, five other options will pop up: Love, Haha, Wow, Sad and Angry. Within the smartphone app, a long-press on Like will reveal those options. They may be a little harder to find, but they’ll work the same way likes always have: A tally of reactions will appear at the bottom of a post. And if a post is public, your reaction will be public, too.
In case you’re wondering, Facebook says it won’t be using reactions to fine-tune ads for now, but it hasn’t nixed the idea for the future. Sounds simple, right? Not quite. These small buttons have big social implications. Reducing complex human emotion to a set of Pac-Man faces is dangerous—especially considering how Like-happy we already are. That little button is tapped billions of times a day.
“Our life has been distilled into finding a way to express our feelings with the least amount of effort,” says Larry D. Rosen, emeritus psychology professor at California State University, Dominguez Hills, and author of “iDisorder,” a book on tech obsession.
“If clicking a ‘sad’ button makes us feel like we have expressed a deep emotion in a split-second, we’ve got problems.” After a week of using Facebook’s new reactions, I’ve discovered there’s a delicate balance that never mattered when it was Like or nothing. We need some rules on when, and when not, to use them. I submit these for discussion.
Like and Love
Facebook's Like and Love reactions
You may think the new negative emotions would be the biggest deal, but as it turns out, Love is.
I spent my first day with the tool “loving” nearly everything in my newsfeed: a photo of Prince, an engagement announcement, a video of a cat skiing. Ordinarily, I don’t even “like” cats.
But John Lennon was wrong: Love isn’t all we need. Which do you love most, your best friend’s new baby girl or McDonald’s new pancake-fried-chicken McGriddle? OK, don’t answer that. The point is, just as in life, the L-word should be used sparingly.
“Love is more than a lot of liking. It is qualitatively distinct,” says Thomas Bradbury, a psychology professor at University of California, Los Angeles, who studies intimate relationships. “When we hit that Love button, we should think, ‘This is truly special.’ ”
Appropriate use of Love: Photos of new babies, major life milestones, sentimental messages from actual loved ones.
Inappropriate use of Love: Most viral videos, any sort of food photos (not even bacon), anything posted by a brand.
Prof. Bradbury semi-jokingly suggested that Facebook give us a Love allowance. It’s not a horrible idea. Over-loving won’t spark World War III, but it could create a boy-who-cried-wolf situation. Will we need an “I really, really, really love this” button in a few years?
A lack of love could also lead to sadness. Studies have shown that Facebook and our obsession with instant feedback can have a negative impact on self-worth and self-esteem. You can imagine how some people will feel if their posts get no love.
Sad and Angry
Facebook's new Sad and Angry buttons
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!” Mark Zuckerberg’s mom must have said that a lot when he was little. Facebook has imagined our lives to be devoid of people and things that make us cry or fume.
The addition of two negative buttons is freeing. When faced with a heavy-hearted post, you no longer have to debate whether to mash the Like button to show support. Now we can express anger and sadness with a click. That doesn’t mean we should.
Before the Sad button, we had to type out meaningful responses to rough news—whether it be the death of a loved one, or a battle with a life-threatening disease. Now, an already-impersonal shortcut just got even more impersonal.
“We have already backed away from face-to-face interaction. This will be another excuse for not taking the time to really communicate,” Prof. Rosen says. “These tools have already impacted our ability to relate, to be angry or empathetic.”
When it comes to helping people feel supported in a hard time, real-world, face-to-face empathy is six times as valuable as virtual empathy—Facebook posts included—Prof. Rosen and his colleagues found, in a study published in “Computers in Human Behavior.” If Facebook posts are so ineffective, imagine the impact—or lack thereof—of an animated sad face.
So what’s the answer? Think about the intended recipient of your single-tear Pac-Man face. Instead of, or in addition to, tapping that button, tap into your heart to write a real message. Or heaven forbid, make a phone call. Appropriate use of Sad: A photo of a homeless puppy, news that a public figure has died or that your local Chipotle is closing.
Inappropriate use of Sad: A photo of your ex-husband’s new girlfriend, a slideshow of your co-worker’s tropical getaway, news that your friend has turned 50. Facebook says it provides a whole range of tools, including commenting and direct messaging, to allow people to express a deeper range of emotions.
I found that anger, on the other hand, can be used more deliberately. Maybe it’s the silver bullet to the never-useful comment ping pong that happens around politically charged posts. Riled up by a friend supporting your least favorite candidate? There may not be a Dislike button to press, but now there’s a handy red face. Click and move on.
Wow and Haha
Facebook's new Haha and Wow buttons
Facebook chose the five new reactions based on the emotions people expressed most in comments and the top stickers and emoticons, says Julie Zhuo, the company’s lead product design director. Wow seems to cover a whole range of OMG-grade feelings, both good and bad. Haha seemed far simpler.
But then I remembered this was the Internet, where people read into things, no matter how innocent.
Here’s an example: Your friend’s dog just had surgery and he posts a photo of the pooch wearing a cone. You respond with a Haha—the dog looks like a satellite dish! Your friend is taken aback: “It’s not funny! We almost lost him.” As any good comedian will tell you, know your audience.
Wow has the opposite problem—it seems to fit everywhere. Is it really OK for me to use the same emotion for sparkly diamond rings and crazy car wrecks? Appropriate use of Haha: A selfie with an alpaca, a trailer of any movie starring Rebel Wilson, announcement of a reality show about dogs flying planes.
Inappropriate use of Haha: A video of your niece’s awkward talent show performance, announcement that your friend is now “single,” photos of funny-looking newborn babies.Final advice, aimed at people on the receiving end of the new buttons: Don’t take them too seriously. At the end of the day, they’re cartoon faces masquerading as human emotions. They’re just buttons, people.
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