I HAVE wonderful, passionate sex with my lover and want to be with her forever, but I can’t cope with the heartache of leaving my wife.
My wife and I are both 46 and married for 24 years. We have a son of 22 who still lives at home.
I love my wife but there has been no intimacy between us for years. It started because of her health issues but she now says sex isn’t important in a marriage. I sleep in the spare bedroom and feel lonely and sad.
My lover is someone I have known for ages. She used to live next door to us before her divorce. I always liked her a lot and I met her again quite by chance six months ago.
My doctor advised doing yoga to help reduce stress and it turned out that my friend had retrained as a yoga teacher.
She is 37. After the first class we went for a drink to catch up. We both felt the attraction between us. It was too big to miss.
We began an affair. It’s great to feel wanted and cherished again. This isn’t just lust, it is genuine, life-changing love for us both.
My wife has found out about our affair. After she had got over the initial shock she’s just shutting her eyes to it and carrying on as before. I don’t think she cares about me any more but she does want to keep what she’s got.
I provide all the income for the home. My son works but my wife adores him and refuses to ask for any housekeeping even though I have two jobs to make ends meet.
I don’t want to hurt my wife by leaving but I can’t see how I can continue in a marriage with no intimacy. I feel so torn and don’t know what to do for the best.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a tough one. Could you try to rekindle the intimate side of your marriage so life at home is less lonely and bleak? If the answer is a definite no, there’s no easy way.
Your wife may be turning a blind eye to your affair but it puts a lie at the heart of your life and home. And how long is your lover prepared to wait?
Hard choices – but they have to be made. In the long run, the cruellest path is to let all this drift on.
